Snapbacks are popular with everyone from beer-pounding bros to blunt-smoking thugs. People who rock Snapbacks usually like to get shitfaced and get laid. I know this because I wear Snapbacks, and I like to get shitfaced and get laid. My only recommendation for Snapbacks is to wear them directly forwards or directly backwards. Unless of course you’re stumbling around a house party shitfaced. In that case, backwards and sideways with killer shades.
Classic Curved Brim
Definitely more of a casual cap. I mean, look how casual this bro looks in one. So fucking casual. Depending on your overall style, these hats aren’t usually used to impress. These are just “didn’t feel like showering before class” kinda hats. The perfect Hangover hat. Good for a mid afternoon breakfast outting. Bad for an evening of pussy hunting.
Fisherman
Unless your parents didn’t love you, you probably had a few of these growing up. If the Fisherman hat hasn’t already made a comeback, it will be soon. You can bet your life on that. So perfect for a day spent floating around a lake with your bros. It’s not that stylish, but it’s still a killer hat. Especially when it’s sunny as fuck out and you forgot to slap a little SPF 30 on your nose. Might have to pick one of these up on my way home today.
Cowboy
No, bro. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. Cowboy hats are strictly for chicks. Unless you’re a famous country musician, don’t wear a fucking Cowboy hat. Most cowboys don’t even wear Cowboy hats. Easily one of the tackiest moves you can make. If you’re ever in a situation where you think it’d be appropriate to wear a Cowboy hat, quickly dismiss the idea and hate yourself for even thinking it.
Bomber
Bomber hats are absolutely fucking sick. Obviously it’s an outdoor winter hat, but it’s easily the best choice for cold weather headwear. Comfort level and warmth of these things is comparable to a gently used vagina. Feel free to get as wild as possible with your Bomber hat selection. These things can do no wrong.
Scally Cap
Now I’m from Boston, so my opinion is a little biased, but Scally Caps are one of the meanest choices in headwear. That being said, they should come with a tag that says “Warning: This hat might make you look like a fucking idiot”. Don’t look at this picture of Tom Brady and think “I should get a Scally Cap! Brady looks fucking incredible in it!” Brady could be wearing your girlfriend around his dick and you’d still think he looks incredible. Like the Fedora, give the Scally Cap a test run. If it fails, don’t try again.
Beanie
Not a big fan of the direction beanies have been going in these past few years. Fucking hipsters and skate rats. It’s not a bad look in the winter time with a nice frosty pair of Ray-Bans, but the majority of people wearing them definitely hang out at coffee shops and fuck their mediocre hippy girlfriends.
Trucker
Trucker hats are super iffy, mainly because the majority of them have some stupid fucking quote on them. “I Fucked Your Mom” or “Wine ‘Em, Dine ‘Em, & 69 ‘Em” or something ridiculous like that. If you’re an actual truck driver, it’s an absolute lock regardless of silly quotes. But if you’re rocking it to a party, use caution. Definitely gotta find something unique that doesn’t look like you found it in Ashton Kutcher’s trash can.
New Era Flat Brimmed
If you’re still wearing a Flat Brimmed New Era hat, there’s a good chance you still have a Limp Bizkit CD in your car. C’mon dude. Seriously? A flat brimmed hat? Why do I have the feeling it also still has the sticker on it? I have no problem with the New Era hats, but bend the fucking brim and take that fucking sticker off of it you asshole. It’s 2013, bro. Pretty sure TRL got cancelled. Time to cancel that awful hat.
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